need something with a little more kick?

I present to you... liquid plutonium¹.

Those who know me know that I am a bit of an energy drink fan. I often "caff up" before an exam or study session. My previous favorite was the monster blue, but due to exclusive coca-cola licensing agreements here on campus (takes away my mountain dew and monster makes goke a dull boy) I have been forced to switch to something else. the choices are NOS, Full Throttle, and Rockstar. Here are some thoughts on why it seems like coke is missing out on the market.

1. I do not want to buy a bev that would look better in the hands of Jesse James (the motorcyclist, not the cowboy outlaw) than in a computer nerd. this rules out Full Throttle. My brain is not a motorcycle. I don't need flames shooting out my rear.
2. NOS just looks stupid (see above). I'm not a 16 year old, and I don't dream of having NOS in my car. In fact, I have been known to say that I don't care how quickly I get somewhere, it's all about how I look on the way there².
   
3. Rockstar just makes me think of Kid Rock. Is this what you want to have going through your head when you are sucking down some liquid energy?
   

So as you can see, my choices were limited, my hands were tied. I went with the "Rockstar Zero Carb" in the somewhat silly looking blue can. The design is little boy blue meets mac truck, since the can is faux textured to look like the grip treads on something big and masculine. Could I see the BA WID DA BA DE BANG DE BANG DIDDY sipping on this sucker? Not really. That makes it fine by me. This made-in-the-USA "party like a rockstar" drink is supposed to make me bigger, stronger, and faster. I don't really care about these things³, but whatever.

So anyway, I get to the office, and crack open the can. "Psssst!" It made a satisfying noise as I opened it, which oddly enough brought back memories of camping. Strange. A gentle sniff revealed hints of berry, and the color was a bright shade of purple. My interest was perked.

I take a small sip, and find a surprisingly non-medicine like flavor. It tastes almost like melted "berry" skittles. Not the sucky regular skittles, but the berry kind in the purple package that you only find once in a while at rest stop vending machines in podunk nowhereville, michigan. Suddenly, I hear BA WID DA BA playing in my head and I DON'T FRAKKIN CARE. I'm ready to smash something⁴.

(30 minutes pass as I write this entry).

So, 30 minutes have passed and now I'm going to rate the caffeine buzz. I feel a little bit nervous like butterflies, but aside from that it's a pretty mellow buzz. On a scale from 1 to 10 where 1 is "meh" and 10 is I want to play mosh pit with a brick wall, I rate this buzz a 6, which is right in the comfort zone. It's a clear head without the physical energy. I'm guessing this is because of the lack of sugar, which will likely reduce the post-buzz crash effects in a couple of hours.

To summarize, despite the images of pam anderson, midgets, and BA WID DA BA, this energy drink slayed the blue monster. I recommend you all go buy one and actually update this blog or your own blogs for once. thanks.

[1] note to department of homeland security: i am using the word "plutonium" in a metaphorical sense. I don't actually have plutonium literally. please don't take me to guantanamo. love, jerfgoke.

[2] please ignore the fact that I currently drive a toyota corolla. it gets good gas milage, OK guys?

[3] unless we're talking about halo 3.

[4] which really means I'm about to code some mean SAS.