blog against the machine

The question must be asked whether the rHu needs yet another blog that probably (at least judging from past experience) won't get half-hearted updates half as often as it probably should. The answer to said question? A resounding yes! Do you not understand that our collective might may bring down the uninhibited power of the man? No? Too many rhetorical questions? Let me explain.

Deep within the corners of a corn field in rural Indiana live some Amish. They like to use sickles, much like the one depicted above. One day, a couple of teenagers crashed their little red car there (or something like that; my memory is foggy) and a couple of Amish kids walked out from the tall stalks of corn, sickles in hand. For what it's worth, I liken this event to the day the Pilgrims landed on Plymoth Rock except with fewer Indians, more Amish, and less smallpox. Anyway, so these Amish were all like, "get out of our field, you no-good bourgeois Abercrombie-wearing suckle-at-the-corporate-teat hoebags." And the teens were like, "umm... but we were just..." But the Amish weren't having any of this backtalk. Needless to say, much blood and many tears were shed. And the Amish emerged from the cloud of smoke victorious, as the Amish often do.

The moral of the story is this: freakish looking kids armed with sickles (and fighting words) can bring down even the biggest of large, moronic farmers or farm corporations. I hope that by letting our blog powers combine (jerfgoke → wind, gandhi → water, slick → earth, and noturn → heart) we can summon Captain Planet and take pollution down to zero. (Actually, aren't we missing fire? Who's fire??? FIIIIIIIIIREEE! NOOOOOOOooooo! BEEP BEEP BEEP porkchop sandwiches! sorry, I digress...) In addition to this noble experiment, I expect at least one drunken blog entry per month. (Disclaimer: the use of alcohol while composing drunken blog entry may or may not actually occur.) One last thing. I expect reminiscing of more prosperous times of yore and a bunch of other stuff listed in the fine print below.

randal haters unanonymous will attempt to provide within a reasonable timeframe, but accepts no liability for: humor, both on and off-color; random musings; references to inside jokes; weird image links; "rays of sunshine"; posts under obviously not anonymous pseudonyms, "TP", sarcastic answers to posted comments; complaints about school and/or work; typos, intentional or not; complaints; references to Amish; Biblical references to Pizza; "water" incidents; deleted posts from jerfgoke; and, anything else I forgot... it's 2:30 am right now for goodness sake.